Brief Observances of the Giants' Face Plant

Posted Apr 4, 2007

A Giants fan waits gleefully to watch his summertime heroes take the field only to see them promptly gag all over themselves. Will he make it for 162 games?

-That was certainly worth the wait, wasn't it?

-Pedro Feliz's every movement, breath, fart or whatever brings A-Rod an inch closer to San Francisco in 2008.

-Zito wasn't awful, but walking Jose Cruz, Jr.!? Anyone but that guy!

-Giants fans, stop booing when Barry Bonds gets walked. To those listeners calling into KNBR and saying what a beautiful day it was, regardless of the game's outcome, stifle it. You sound like the people East Coast fans say we are. Knock it off.

-Randy Winn = Bust.

-I am more of a No. 5 hitter than Rich Aurilia.

-The pre-game show MC'd by a tuxedoed Jon Miller was the best production Giants management has staged in my nearly 35 years of existence. Sadly, they know how to produce a good song-and-dance act rather than a championship team. Maybe Peter Magowan should just run "Avenue Q" at AT&T Park nightly and forget baseball.

-Renel Brooks-Moon isn't Bob Sheppard. It's great that San Francisco is a progressive city but the voice of a baseball game shouldn't be shrill. The public address announcer experiment is over.

-Jeffrey Leonard is the only guy who can take the field at an old-timers event with his hat on backwards and pull it off.

-I am still surprised to see Mike Cameron's head in one piece.

-Will Clark has gotten to know Krispy Kremes very well during retirement.

-I'm thrilled that Bonds stole a base. I'm even more thrilled to see him not attempt a slide at the plate.

-Mayor Gavin Newsom stayed from the first pitch to the last. Chicks dig the long ball and civics.

-Try watching Barry Zito pitch while sitting next to an A's fan. If you haven't set yourself on fire within two-thirds of an inning, consider buying a lottery ticket. An A's fan is the dumped girlfriend trying to put on a brave face (and failing) in the Bay Area.

-Lance Niekro is like the last season of "Family Ties" with all the retrospective episodes: He grabs a bat. He strikes out. Press repeat.

-Armando Benitez gets to sleep tonight knowing that for one day, the other relievers sucked more than he does.

-From Yankee Fan Ken: "Zito relies too much on his curve. If it's not working, he is average. It's not working today." Is there anything more infuriating than a Yankee fan who's right?

-There's only 161 more to go and they'd better turn it around, like, now.

Keith Larson writes for because he's lived and died with the Giants since 1972. He welcomes all words of praise and insult at, but mentioning anything having to do with Game 6 is to be done with extreme caution.

The views expressed in the columns do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the site's publisher, writers, or other staff members. The content on this site may not be redistributed without the expressed consent of

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